Still sick, dammit!

I haven't pulled out of this yet. My naturopath is on me about doing Castor oil packs. They do make me feel better, which is funny because they were invented by a mad man named Edward Cayce who was channeling different health ideas from god. So it's obviously something I don't believe in and yet I do it because it works very consistently. Hey, I'm sick people! I'll try anything once and you would too if you felt like me. Maybe you do! But I hope not, for your sake.

I am getting my mind back and loosing it all at the same time. My creativity is making a come back. I mean the creativity that makes my inner terrain very entertaining but makes me look like a retard to the rest of the world. When I have creativity, it takes me three times as long to do something as a normal person. I space out the wheel writing poetry in my head and end up on the wrong side of town. Today I found myself desperately searching for a piece of a paper and a pen so I could jot some ideas down at a red light. Later, it's hard to decipher because the words are scrawled out so urgently that they're almost meaningless. It's been way too many years since I did that! My mind is hard to focus and image rich. Making a point gets harder. I digress and digress and, what was I talking about?

When I was sick, there was no creativity. I did my work without the interruptions of my inner chatter or an uninvited sequence of events that will never happen because reality isn't that fun. I started to realize that people who aren't creative may have a similar experience. It's stultifying. I believe very strongly that the lack of creative impulse is often compensated by a desire to shop. I never used to want to shop. Suddenly, I felt that tickle an awful lot. I was too tired to shop in stores so I did it online. I was a zombie. A zombie online shopper.

Anyway, so the downside is that I'm flakey again. I have locked myself out of the house twice this week. Not to mention a long list of other dumb things I have done out of carelessness. Ugh. The only thing I can say is that I know to appreciate it now. I'm done worrying about being like more people. Other people are overrated.

So there.